1. People Who Walk Slowly
Oh, you’re just living life at your own pace aren’t you? Not a care in the world! Out for a purposeless Sunday jaunt are we? Well, good for you friend, but most of us have places to be. So why don’t you go snail-pace it around your living room instead and leave the sidewalk to the big boys!
(Obviously excusing anyone who physically can’t walk fast… I mean, we’re not monsters here.)
2. People Who Eat Stinky Food
Whether it’s on public transportation or in a compact office cubicle, the smell of someone else’s food is foul and makes us feel dirty inside, like we’ve involuntarily visited your home/fridge. Last night’s curried noodles may be appealing to you, but that’s probably because you’re the one eating them. TMI (too much inhalation)!
3. People Who Cut In Line
Congratulations, you are the most important person in this store! So, logically, you should be at the front of the line. All these other peasants are used to waiting for things, but not you! YOU are the king of the whole world and therefore must be treated as such by getting your latte 47 seconds before everyone else.
4. People Who Linger In The Bathroom
Ok, here’s the situation:
You enter a silent public restroom and notice only one stall is occupied. You almost smell the tension as they freeze, spooked by your arrival. You sit down on the toilet and…nothing. You can’t go because your neighbor is listening, just WAITING for you to leave so they can have the place all to themselves again.
We get it’s not your responsibility that we’re a nervous pee-er but please, help us out by pooping and leaving so we can pee in peace!
5. People Who Take Calls Through Headphones
These folk probably think they’re doing nothing wrong, but they are sorely mistaken. At a glance, we don’t see your headphones and therefore we either think you’re a crazy person talking to themselves (apologies, but we run into a lot of them in the city) or you are directly addressing us. The whole thing is an overall unsettling affair and we politely demand that you desist.
6. People In Activewear Being Inactive
We know we’re not alone in this gripe!
The intimidating yoga-brunch ladies and toned power couples that pollute our weekend streets with their thick fog of superiority and neon sweatbands need to stop. They think they’re fooling us, but we know they’re not working out today and they know we’re still recovering from last night’s martinis. In a perfect world, we’d all just be real and spend Sunday morning in our baggiest hoodies, wallowing in a collective pit of shame and regret.
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